Well, well, well. It seems that this is my first time coming back here ever since university life started for me. Wow. Quick update: there’s really not much that is new in my life except nowadays I really rather stay at home. A lot of crappy stuff happened recently and I have my finals coming up next week, already! It’s 3am and I actually ended up here because I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Been feeling terribly stressed out because I’m starting to think that maybe I’m really not cut out for this course. Just desperately want to get out but I don’t know how and where to go. I could really use a break from being a consequence of way too many bad decisions.
It’s been weeks since my first semester started and everything is still shit. I’m in a state so depressed and unmotivated that I feel like crying all the time and am just perpetually on the verge of giving up on everything. Everything is exhausting and getting on my nerves. My head has been hurting for a few days now and I don’t know why. I don’t know what else I’m feeling anymore besides tiredness and sadness, and I don’t even know what’s making me sad and tired. I don’t know what I want to do besides giving up on everything and rot and die. I’m sick and tired of myself and everyone else. I’m sick and tired of questions I have no answers to. I’m sick and tired of questions. My head is killing me and I just want to sit in a corner and cry for hours straight but people wouldn’t leave me alone. I sound like a whiny pussy I’m disgusting I just want to disappear.
It’s 5:33AM on my first day of university life and I am blogging from my bed because I didn’t plan to wake up until 15 minutes later but i got woken up by a horrible nightmare (of an insanely active flying cockroach that eventually flew to my face holy fucking shit omg I hate life I really want to cry but then again I’m so glad it was just a terrible nightmare but omg shit).
I don’t know how I feel about starting a new phase in life, but I guess I’m moderately motivated to get my shit together at this moment.
I’m actually feeling very sleepy and would love to take a nap but I would probably oversleep if I do … life decisions are so difficult to make.
when did living get so exhausting
It has only been 4 days and things are already getting fucking exhausting. I really don’t know how to deal with this anymore. Some days I feel like we could go on forever, but some moments just make a horrible end to this seems imminent.
How are we actually going to do this?
Last 25 minutes of work and I’m actually quite depressed because on my very last day … I don’t have anybody seeing me off.
I would like to blame it on the hormones though I’m not very sure if it’s their fault but I’m so emotional I could die omg.