It’s been months since I last spent a Sunday afternoon alone.
It’s 3.40pm and I just watched a couple of episodes of AOD downstairs, procrastinated with my phone, made myself cup noodles, and am ready to get down to studying for this Saturday’s CITS final exam – then it rained. It would’ve made a really nice emo moment to study and listen to nice music but ugh ants. It’s been raining everyday here for a couple of weeks (I think?) now so the poor ants’ homes are destroyed and they are frantically looking for new places to settle down and I feel sorry for you but not in my room little insects, no. Spent yesterday putting citronella oil literally everywhere so that these ants hate my room but why are y’all still here T.T My room already smells like an insect repellant factory sobs please just go :(:(
Also I have so much to catch up on and yet I cannot get myself to start studying because yikes numbers and figures and debits and credits and audit standards and CG codes codes codes. Sigh.
On a brighter note, the brother just went for undang test this morning. Hope he quickly gets his license so that I can get a new car heeeheeheeeeee. Much eggcites.
Also read a weird af webtoon yesterday it was so weird and at the same time hilarious that I finished the entire series at one go. And it got me very conscious about my dead skin so I spent a really long time scrubbing in the shower. Everybody please read this.
Also need to stop falling sick 😦 My immunity has plunged millionfold ever since I got my wisdom tooth extracted (I think). I am very broke can I not have to spend money on medication dear immunity please be good thanks.
Blahblahblah have an arg essay to work on lols when was the last time I actually wrote an essay hmmmmmmmmmm bye.
emoing at the gym because everything is just yucky. maybe it’s cause i’ve been watching body bizarre that was playing on discovery channel and the whole episode was just depressing. maybe it’s cause after all this while i find out that there’s still no complete trust between us and that means the only way we are going is down, kind of what i was hoping for but still. maybe it’s cause i’m hungry cause i’m so broke that i have no lunch money. maybe it’s just cause i’m broke and that’s just not exciting.
so i was watching this guy in his twenties on body bizarre saying that he wishes to find a girlfriend that would love him and give him all of her love, so that he could have real love, and it just got me thinking whether we are just selfish for wanting love??? like is romantic love in itself actually selfish as opposed to selfless??? we love because we want to be loved?? or do we love being loved or feeling like we are in love?? yikes thoughts yikes.
sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.
4.30am. I was supposed to go to bed like 5 hours ago but here I am cause I couldn’t get over a stupid iPhone game. Spent 4 hours playing 200+ games to hit 4-digit score and swore to never touch this game ever again. Sigh, priorities.
Have so much F7&8 to catch up on but what am I doing with life!!! I feel obliged to accompany the mother to the gramps’ but zzZ I really need sleep + would rather stay home and hopefully study. :(:( Mock exams are in a month siaoooo stress I know nothing what IASs what IFRSs what ISAs whaaaaaat and I really wanna do well for P1 cause I got 57.5 for PT and turned out I got the highest in my group hahaHAhAhahAHA wtf joke sia this group. But thanks for the motivation 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
Am so broke for the month and I’m not even half way through March and I’m running out of stuff sigh pls intro home job eg “Single Mother Earning $4000 per week From Home! Find Out How!” tengs.
Actually just rambling while waiting for blackhead strip to dry and I think it’s dry kthxbye!!
Started on And The Mountains Echoed yesterday afternoon and managed to finish it briefly before I decided to start on this.
Some people have a bottomless hole they spend their life trying to fill, others live their lives shoveling away a mound of flaws and burdens; very little choose to walk around it and carry on.
A lot has happened over the course of these few months, and these things have made it very difficult for me to not be skeptical towards people. How is it that I haven’t been seriously warned about the unimaginable consequences trust can bring? I am so worn out by lies upon lies upon lies upon lies. When will this stop?
P/S: A note to self to always, always keep records of conversations. Voice recording live conversations and phone calls is a must once I get my hands on a phone that can handle this mass of data. Must. Remember.
And I am a thousand kinds of depressed per cubic milliliters of blood, pumped lazily around my body by my ever-growing weariness towards myself.
not going to use any punctuations for this entry because i just cannot deal with punctuations right now it is like i have lost any previously existing ability to form coherent sentences sigh i cannot write anymore why why why what has happened to me sigh this is actually fucking depressing i am just going to not do this anymore
what have you done to my life
Well, well, well. It seems that this is my first time coming back here ever since university life started for me. Wow. Quick update: there’s really not much that is new in my life except nowadays I really rather stay at home. A lot of crappy stuff happened recently and I have my finals coming up next week, already! It’s 3am and I actually ended up here because I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Been feeling terribly stressed out because I’m starting to think that maybe I’m really not cut out for this course. Just desperately want to get out but I don’t know how and where to go. I could really use a break from being a consequence of way too many bad decisions.