you’re just a sad song with nothing to say

It’s an MCR kind of afternoon (well, hence the title).

I guess people were right when they said that I’m really just terrible at handling mental pressure because I’ve been running away from the fact that I actually have tons to cover by Monday (it’s Thursday today) and basically spend a lot of time sleeping so that I don’t have to think about all the stuff I need to do. Sigh.

I made this site private because I was so done looking back at my petty rants that later mean nothing at all, even to me as I read back. But look at where we are getting. Yay.

Anyhow, I really love TBP it’s really one of my all time favourite albums. Whatever happened to the music industry.

On a side note,need

Laminate.

It’s 11.45AM on my second last day of work and I’m sitting at my desk pigging on heavenly Famous Amos cookies, ignoring the pile of paperwork I need to clear up by tomorrow evening. It’s a very strange feeling to have to bid this seat goodbye – I’m excited about university life but I’ve grown so comfortable being here for the past 4 months. I’ve gotten used to seeing the same faces going out for smoke breaks, anticipating lunch breaks, slacking away on the computer … even my fingers have gotten so familiar with the keyboard that I type smoother and better here than on my own MacBook. What I will miss most of all though, would be the breakfasts that my body has accustomed itself to.

What would I do without you? 

I like to think that keeping things that you gave me around me makes me feel like I would still have traces of you with me. I don’t know if this would actually comfort me or make me sadder but … I really hope that everything eventually works out.

Displace;

Drowning in a sea of shit and I don’t know what to do about my life. Not sure if I keep encountering manipulative people or I’m just too easily manipulated. Either way, fuck.

Most of my friends are either (a) mugging their asses off for A’s, (b) waiting for uni to start or (c) living the busy uni life. On the other hand, I am (a) still not offered a confirmed place in any uni, (b) stuck at work (my bosses probably secretly hate me for giving them shit), (c) making unbelievably shitty progress at sales and (d) in a relationship I have no idea how I got myself into (that is possibly making me a better person at this moment despite it being considerably challenging for me to see it make it far for various factors beyond anybody’s control). In a nutshell, despite (or should I say because of) my results, I am left utterly disappointed and consequently completely aimless.

How do I make things work???


P/S: I have recently gotten myself into the business of youth enhancement. Check my stuff out at http://cristinaong.jeunesseglobal.com or http://www.facebook.com/cristinaong.jeunesseglobal or read more below (not going to be copy pasted please don’t roll your eyes at me sobs I am going to type every sentence off my head): Continue reading

Heaven is where we make it.

 

This song has always made me emotional but it coming on shuffle at this moment really just got my emotions amplified.

Sometimes my inability to make spiritual connections terrify me.

 


 

I really don’t know what to do about my life.

Tragedy.

It’s 6.30AM on a Sunday morning and I’m sitting at my desk in the same clothes I wore out yesterday. Came back from an exhibition after work completely exhausted (more from the driving than the actual visiting), dragged myself out for dinner with the family, and camped out on my bedroom floor with my phone for hours until I fell asleep. I woke up about half an hour ago to a lot of messages, went “holy shit”, risked my life going downstairs and opening the front door (it makes so much noise it’s unbelievable) and came back up not knowing what to do with my first proper bouquet of flowers. If this came at the right time it would have made a world of differences. It did hurt like a bitch (that I am) to watch the video, but that doesn’t mean feelings lost were coming back. Maybe it just hurt because I felt like a such a horrible bitch. But really all I wanted for myself was to spend more time being happy than being miserable and feeling neglected –  what’s so wrong with that?

 

Birds don’t whistle, they just sing.

Haven’t been up here since forever because I have been crashing into bed every night for the past two weeks or so. Took up a small admin job near my place since mid-June and I’ve finally been living a relatively productive life that has also left me with very little time to just sit alone and think thoughts.

Cliché work life reflection: money really doesn’t come easy. One week worth of work was gone after buying my brother dinner and getting myself a bottle of VS Noir Tease EDP(love love love the spray thingy). But that only makes me want everything classy and expensive even more badly.

I really should be making plans about my studies but it’s something I’ve been running away from. Having other things to occupy myself with only gives me a better excuse to chuck that aside for as long as I can.


I can’t decide whether I take bad news exceptionally well or the extreme opposite. It seems that I just don’t react to bad news. Somehow I feel that it’s something inside me that shuts down my ability to fully process information when I’m told bad news so that I don’t crash from my own overwhelming emotions. Grandma passed away on Tuesday morning and I had to take an urgent leave to attend her funeral which was spanned over a few days. I spent a lot of time trying to digest the fact that a person that I saw walking, breathing, talking just not too long ago was then laying still in a wooden box that was possibly airtight, but I just couldn’t seem to properly register that. The idea of her body being forever gone right now seems completely outrageous. It’s difficult to put it in words but death just seems like a very strange concept to me at the moment. I couldn’t get myself to shed a single tear for her, and I swear I tried my hardest. It’s ridiculous how at times I can spend hours crying over trivial things and I couldn’t force a tear out of myself hanging out around a coffin with my grandma in it. Then again we were never really close but it still kind of upsets me though at the same time I am not feeling a lot of things. I’m really confused.

 

 

I need some sleep.

 

 

People talk.

Shit day. Nobody wants to hear about my shitty life but I never threw up a bunch of links sending you here.

Woke up from two traumatising nightmares, left the house feeling like shit, traffic was shit, people on the roads were shit, stuff at home was shit, my body is being a shit. Everything sucks.

Ugh.