The Diary of a Groundnut – 25/30

Been coughing like mad. I think I have TB.

All of a sudden, everybody is dying. Everybody’s sick and falling apart. I never felt death this near before, and I’m not sure if I know how to handle it. It has always been me and death, but never death of someone else close. I don’t think I am really sure about the idea of it. Death of me = free. But death of someone else …? Die, dead, dying. We say it so flippantly like it really means nothing. I fear, I do. Please, please don’t. I know it ought to come sooner or later, but please, not yet, no.

I fear. There are so many things I need to learn to handle now, and I know I don’t want to. I feel him now. The feeling of wanting to have what you can have as a adult but you just want to runaway from all the responsibilities that come with it.

Need to runaway. Run back.

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