The Diary of a Groundnut – 9/30

Day 9. Every single day of this imprisonment seems to really make me reflect about myself. I can’t believe I’m admitting that this actually achieved the purpose of real imprisonment – self-reflection.

I don’t know how I came all this way and end up as the hypocrite that I am now. I wasn’t the best kid around. Attempted to lie my way through small things that used to be a big deal as a kid, and mother never failed to spot the flaws in my lies. Guess that’s when I learnt to sharpen my “skills”. Pros and cons of education. I came all this way pretty much as a generally upright person, in the sense that I wasn’t two-faced like lots of other people around (especially girls). Hence and therefore, feedbacks about me were generally not so positive as well because I really didn’t think it was necessary to “hide” the real side of me and suck up to the teachers. I was just being me and I was happy with it. Guess realness doesn’t get you anywhere as you age. 13, I had to keep the wildest/realest side of me away from my world full of strangers. 14, fell into the deepest pit of my life, but at least there were the greatest people around. 15, I got lost. 16, I’m losing myself. The plotting of revenges, the veneers I put on, the lies I lie. What have I done to myself?

I miss me.


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