The Diary of a Groundnut – 6/30

#nowplaying – I Could Get Used To This – The Veronicas

Could I?

I don’t know if I can make it. Through. Nothing will ever be the same anymore.

Sometimes I wonder how did I end up this different from the rest. I know if I am supposed to blame myself because I really can’t think of anything else that could have made a difference except for the family. Do you know how it feels to realize one day that the way your family works is not normal? I’m not going for the fucking norm but does it not explain why it produces kids that are different? Different families produce different kids. Simple as that. Yet I am expected to be like everyone else? Am I supposed to bear the consequences of your mistake? Look who first fucked up? It’s not even possible to trace all the way up, you see. I know you had a pretty fucked up life all the way too, I do. Jeez we don’t even know who was the first bitch to fuck up. Looking at this, I really don’t know what will become of me. Fuck I don’t even know how ‘working’ works. Sometimes I wish he was more ambitious, and I wouldn’t have to do shit.

Yeah I ought to appreciate what I have and shit, but seriously, I wish I was never here. I wish I never knew shit. I’d rather be the retard outcast that doesn’t even know that she’s outcasted, really. I wish you did kill me. I wish I hadn’t pray. I could be dead and happy.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s