Hey. Just spent a couple hours of my life/ saturday night stalking a couple of people. This is just fucking depressing and not cool at all.
I suppose this is rather hilarious.
Okay I’m just really depressed right now because there are just things/people that I can’t get over. Things are not going according to plan. The plan might fail and ruin me instead. I don’t know. This has become a burden for me. Yet, ironically, that’s what I planned for it to be.
I don’t know if you are true. ’cause the only thing I see in you is hypocrisy. Sometimes I wonder if this whole thing is just a show that you’re putting up, that you’re so good in faking that you manage to lie a flawless lie. I’m too afraid. I cannot afford to fall. Shit is fucking up everywhere. I don’t know what will become of me when the pillar falls. I don’t know what will become of us.
This is not … normal. It’s not that I long to be like the norms, but it’s just that how can you expect me to be like the norms when I’m not brought up the same way they are at the first place? And all my life, I’ve got my concepts wrong. It’s like learning to walk in a way different from others. You won’t end up on the same path if you start off from different directions.
Nobody said it was easy.
I regret. I’m just running from a cage to another. I see no difference, really. I blame it on luck. This whole family is so fucked up because of the luck we have. Fuck luck. That’s what fucked me up. That’s what fucked him up. And then the cycle goes on and on and on. Luck. It’s a curse. Or maybe this isn’t even luck at the first place. Luck is relative. And just when you think that you’re lucky, you get fucked. Luck, oh yeah? Luck.
I’d rather had it fucked. Then I wouldn’t be. I wouldn’t.