Goodbye my almost lover

Wassup chicks and ducklings.

Like what the fuck, it’s Sunday night already.

Have yet to even read through act one for the first time. Guess CT’s meant to be fucked. Watched half an hour of Crucible the movie though. Proctor has such sexy eyes. I like the part where Mercy stripped. Voluptuous.

I think this is a bit … overused but I am really really really grateful (to whoever, God?) that I chose to take full literature/ geography elective. It was a scary decision to make, at that time. It was like … going against the “safe policies” aka full geography/ history elective (most doable combination) or full geography/history with literature elective. People were just like “full lit, really?” / “full lit? Are you sure?” / “my sister strongly discourages full lit, she said it’s super scary!” / “Seriously? Full lit is damn risky! You can fail!” etc. Not to forget Mrs C, oh I mean Ms O, that strongly discouraged, no wait, totally went against geography elective. Jeez, it was almost like gender discrimination – we are all humans! Both subjects are geography but while she promoted her own (full) subject like we are all gonna become geologists and fucking volcanos erupt and give you shopping vouchers, she made the elective sounds like nothing elective, like we will all die doing it. “It’s three-quarter of the full syllabus. It’s the heaviest elective subject. ” Uhhuh. Look who’s blogging and who’s mugging.

I struggled so much between full geography/ literature elective and full literature/ geography elective. So much. I was so troubled by what O said and I talked to so many people. Well, maybe not MG but they all told me its doable. Jeez. And I was so confused. Consulted mum and it was as good as not consulting at all. Gave me typical advice like “follow your heart” and “only you know what you want to do”. Fucking hell I didn’t. Prayed a little, nothing happened. Didn’t really want to do full literature because I went to check out the play and it just sounded so boring and … yucks. Little did I know that it’s one of the most informative book I’ve been exposed to in my secondary school life. 😉 In the end I was just like “fuck the world full lit it is”. And then the next dilemma – history or geography? To think about it right now, I can’t believe I actually considered doing history. I’m so bloody fucking glad I did not. I only considered history because O said geography wasn’t worth it. I hate history. Hated, of course. But then I thought since I had a slack subject now I guess I could afford doing it even though it’s “three-quarter”, and so I did.

So there, I have my awesome humanities combination here. Would be beyond perfect if Social Studies wasn’t compulsory. I mean, eww.

Can’t believe I just blogged about subject combination. Digressed. I was gonna talk about something else now I can’t remember anymore. Jeez.

Spent the whole day doing nothing. Well actually I did … stalk a little. I didn’t want to use the word “stalk” cause it just reminds me of bean stalks/ it sounds fucking creepy. But then I guess I really was being kind of creepy. Anyway, 5 months. Made no difference. You have no idea how painful it was to know the answers. It was like “fuck you bitch here’s some knives imma stab you right at your heart this moment suck it bitch oh imma do it slow because I like how much it hurts you“. Ouch. It still hurts, this moment. It’s been hurting the whole day. Even when I’m not thinking about it. Guess my subconscious mind can’t get over it too. I can’t even breathe properly. This is what you do to me. But you’ll never know how much it hurts. Never. Fucking hell I just sound like another emo girl wannabe that got ditched by her emo boyfriend. No fucking way. It wouldn’t it even hurt as much if I was the “emo girl”.

Okay ignore the depressing rants. Just … still trying to get over somebody.

There are so many people that I wish I didn’t let go off. Even though I know that it was for the better.

I wish I hadn’t tried to prove her wrong.

Honestly I have no idea how long this post is right now because I’m typing this on my phone. Kind of took me 40 minutes to get here.

But then again, it’s just human nature that we are dissatisfied with our lives, isn’t it? Those living a simple life wishes to experience the excitement of the city, and people like us would rather drop everything and just escape to somewhere where we can just … breathe.

Maybe it’s time to learn to count my own blessings!

A few things I wanna thank God for today:
Air-conditioning! (not trying to be lame, but really)
Honey green tea.
Internet (jeez, I don’t know)
Maybe education? Or I wouldn’t be typing this.
People in life that (possibly, or so I perceive)care.
Beef noodles. Jesus Christ it was so good.

Still dwelling in this awkward shroud of sadness. Maybe I should just go to sleep.

Nightsie, piglets.


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